Vivid Dawn's random ramblings

Aaand another thing!

I had a friend comment on the “excuses” post, and it reminded me… I volunteer at a cat shelter for an hour, twice a week. Again, the boss lets me go slow and take all the time I need. Because I AM willing, I wanted to do my fair share and not be a “slacker”. Well… I tried mopping the floor. 5 hours later I was in the ER with A-Fib (a heart arrhythmia that can cause strokes!).


So see… I keep trying, and it just doesn’t work! *sob*

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Excuses, excuses…

I have to rant.

Whenever people (usually online, sometimes in “real life”) find out I’m on Disability/SSI & food stamps, 99% of the time they automatically make the assumption that I’m a lazy moocher and tell me “get a job!”.
Good grief, you don’t think I’ve tried?? For one thing, this economy doesn’t make that task the easiest to fulfill. For another thing, I am limited in what I can do on a daily basis.

Here’s a history of what jobs I’ve tried – and failed.

These are jobs I got when I graduated high school AND had Voc. Rehab “assisting” me.
3 months = Video game store at the mall. – Yes it was seasonal, but they did say employees could stay after the season. Obviously I wasn’t good enough to be ‘rehired’ after New Years.
0 = McDonalds. Interviewed but not hired.
0 = Wal-Mart. Didn’t even get called in for an interview at all.
0 = TONS of secretary/office clerical jobs that I applied to. Never got past a first interview, if even that far.

I decided that Voc. Rehab was not being very helpful, so I started looking for jobs on my own. While I knew I had to be a little picky (couldn’t physically do stuff like construction work or anything requiring more education than HS Diploma), I did try to do what I thought I was able.

2 months = soup & sub sandwich shop (quit because standing for 6 hours was KILLING my back, even though I liked the job…didn’t like the daily pain that made me lose focus halfway through my shift because I was so distracted with HURTING!)
3 months = “bather” at a dog grooming place (I can’t lift more than 20 lbs, so was constantly having to pull other workers away from their jobs to help me with hefting dogs up into and back out of the tub)
3 weeks = Target (explained my disabilities and they said they’d work with me… yet 3 weeks later I was fired for being “inefficient”). Really the only reason I got this job at all, was my sister works there and put in a good word for me.
2 years = telemarketing (had 2 heart attacks where the ambulance had to come get me, and I finally quit from the stress)
2 years = accounting (also had a heart attack with ambulance called AND had a stroke and heart surgery before they finally let me go).

So when people say “just get a job, and stop giving excuses”, it really annoys me. Easier said than done.  Mentally, I would love to work. I am more than WILLING! However, actually being ABLE to is another matter.
Yes I help a friend (also with disabilities) do her house chores a few times a week, but it’s only for a couple hours (10 per week max). And unlike a regular employer, she lets me go slow and take a break if I need to. There’s been many times that I end up taking a nap in the guest room halfway through chores, and resuming later after I feel better. It takes me a good 3 hours to do 2 hours of work. No true employer is going to be as lenient and accommodating (even if they SAY they will, like Target had).
Doing simple things either put me in pain, or aggravate my heart problems. Sweeping or vacuuming a floor gets my heart pounding and fluttering. Standing to cook or wash dishes makes my back hurt and cramp.
I understand there’s lots of fraud with the government assistance programs, and it irritates me too…because it’s not fair to the people who REALLY need it to be ruined by the few “bad apples” in the system.

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The good, the bad, and the wonderful!

Wow, I haven’t written anything in “forever”! (well okay, just over a month…but considering I wanted to do at least once weekly… oiy!)


Okay, so… the good is that I got a blood test and apparently I’m perfectly healthy. I thought I was low with Magnesium, but it’s just right… maybe I’m just a wimp and fret about every little thing. The bad, is that even though all my electrolytes are fine, I have another ear infection. Had fevers on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Now my ear is ringing, sounds have a metallic quality, I have pressure and feel like a bobble-head. In May I had this, and was given antibiotics which really did nothing…so I figure it might be viral. It could be worse though, at least I have no pain…just the little annoyances.


The wonderful… well, just about everything else. I am so grateful to have luxuries in life like a home to live in, any food I want to eat, a car, a computer. Yeah, some people think those are life’s “basics”, but really… there are plenty of people living in the streets with literally nothing. I am soooo not in a position to complain about anything!

I should go to church tomorrow.


And I have 3 foster kittens that are all black. Big Brother is doing just fine. Little Brother should gain at least half a pound (if not more), and Sister is right about at 2 lbs when I weighed her last week. They’re all playing and healthy, so I guess I shouldn’t worry too much. At certain angles, they look like wingless bats… of course I can’t take a decent picture because they’re constantly moving! (except when they’re asleep of course).

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